


Is you is or is you ain't my baby

by Aramirandme81



Category: The Almighty Johnsons
Genre: Anders is done with this crap, Axl The Train Strikes Again, Brotherly Affection, Gen, Medical Procedures, Past Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-04
Updated: 2014-03-04
Packaged: 2018-01-14 13:27:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1268095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aramirandme81/pseuds/Aramirandme81
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The brothers are all gathered at J:pr for a day of rest and just being family, it’s actually going quite well and then an unexpected visitor arrives...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is you is or is you ain't my baby

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Elenhin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elenhin/gifts).



> I’ve read quite a lot of the ‘Anders has a kid’ stories, and thought of a different angle to the ‘problem’.  
> This is in no way meant to give offence or provoke, just me playing with the theme.

Things have been tense lately. 

Well sure they are always kinda tense with the Johnson boys but lately it’s been more so than normally, and yes that is taking the fact that the hunt for Frigg is heating up into account.

Mike and Axl have been sort of biting at each other in a way not even Anders and Mike have ever done, and that is saying something because they were a bit like rival lions... except that Anders never did fight, he only roared. But fuck could he roar.

Ty has all but given up on playing peace maker and ever unaffected Olaf have been brought down to something almost like...sober.

It’s fair to say that they are approaching critical mass at an alarming rate and they need to went before they have a meltdown or a blowout.

Oddly enough it’s Anders of all people that intervenes. 

He invites them over to meet him at work on a regular Thursday, so they won’t suspect a social ambush, and they trickle in like lost chicks finally finding the coop after a long day being lost in the forest. 

The rooms of J:pr have become a sort of neutral ground to them and they can all stop pretending and posturing...or they can after Anders slams their buts into the leather of the couch growling at them to fucking stay seated if they wish to live and Dawn plies them with beer and sandwiches. 

The presence of Dawn also helps them settle, yes she knows about them being gods now, so they don’t have to hide, but she’s like a touchstone of normal and calm and no one wants to upset that or risk pissing her off by being rude. 

Not only because that would piss of both Ty and Anders, and the two of them are formidable when they work together, but also because Dawn on her own scared even Colin Gunderson on his best day.

Anders declares that: “Frigg does not exist today.” And these are his halls so his word is law, and everyone can sort of feel the burden lift even as he says it.

“Agreed.” Mike says and lifts his beer in toast.

“Agreed.” Axl says and in a sign that he means it, and that he is growing up, salutes Mike as well.

 

Everything is going well, Ty is smiling at Dawn and Olaf is looking as carefree and young as he should and not as old as he really is anymore and he’s telling Anders about this perfect wave he caught once.

Mike and Axl are not exactly hugging but they are talking peacefully and good naturedly when the door is all but thrown open and someone storms in. 

Given that it’s not that long ago that god-hunters tried to kill them everyone is up in a flash, Mike in front of Axl, Ty in front of Dawn and Anders and Olaf both just sort of reaching out arm hovering.

Anders is the first to move since he is also the one closest to the door and aside from Mike, who’s just walked over so he can look around the bend in the wall, he’s also the only one who can see the person that’s just entered. 

It’s a woman, who’s just entered so dramatically, and Anders is sure of three things:   
One: She’s not a god hunter.   
Two: He’s slept with her at some point.   
Three: She is a fine looking woman, or she would be if she didn’t look about ready to commit murder.

 

The woman looks around and once she spots Anders she’s on him in a flash.

“You! You did this to me, well I’m not letting you get out of it mister! You will do your duty one way or the other.” She says advancing on him like a heard of lions on a wounded zebra.

“Wow wow wow there.” He says and holds up his hands in a soothing gesture. “I think you might want to explain yourself there.”

The woman is about to go on when she sees the rather large group of people seated on the couch.

“I...This should really be in private.” She says, somewhat lamely.

“It’s a bit late for that.” Anders says the sarcasm clear but not heavy in his voice. 

“Fine.” She says steeling herself. “I’m pregnant.”

Everyone draws in a breath, all thinking the same things or variations thereof: ‘Fuck.’ ‘Surprised it didn’t happen sooner.’ ‘He’s in for it now.’

Mike sighs and looks towards Anders ready to tell him to man up and that it could hardly come as a surprise to him, but Anders does not looked shocked at all. If anything he looks calm.

“Well, I’d say congratulations but you don’t seem to be all that happy about it.” Anders says moving a bit to the side so he can lean casually back on his desk. 

“I’m not.” She says looking steamed. “And I’m not raising this child without help.”

“A child should have all the support it can get, no argument from me against that.” Anders agrees.

The woman looks relieved and a bit calmer.

“So...you’ll do it?” She says smiling now looking almost coy.

“Do what?” Anders asks, but everyone can see he knows what the woman is getting at.

“Well marry me silly.” She grins, thinking Anders is being coy as well.

“And why would I do that?” He asks.

“You don’t..?”

“Honey I don’t believe in marriage, at all, let alone in me getting married.” Anders says crossing his arms in front of him. 

Mike and Axl makes dissatisfied sounds, Ty sighs in annoyance and Olaf just shrugs. Oddly enough Dawn seems almost unaffected by this display. 

“But you said...”

“I said I believe a child should have all the support it could get nothing more.”

“Then you’ll support us?” She says, not sounding happy anymore but still sort of hopeful.

“Not on your life.” Anders says.

“You won’t support your own child?” The woman cries outraged.

“If I had a kid I would move the world for it. But I don’t.”

“You do! It’s growing right here!” The woman says and points to her slightly rounded stomach. 

“No, I don’t.” Anders says shaking his head. He seems almost sad about it though.

“You do, and if you won’t do your duty willingly I’ll make you, and that won’t be nearly as pleasant.” She warns angrily.

“Lady we had a good time and all but that was it, ain’t nothing more for you here.” Anders says making a dismissive gesture with his head.

Mike can feel his blood heating. ‘How on earth can he be this cold?’

The woman seemed put upon that her demands are so casually dismissed. Then her whole face changes and she all but swagger over to Anders, leaning into him all seduction and purrs into his ear.

“But we had such a good time baby, such a perfect time, no other man ever made me feel that good or that fine, don’t you want to feel that again?” She purrs totally blocking out the fact that the others are there as she all but grind herself against Anders, her hands caressing and wandering places no good girl puts her hands when people can see.

Ty is about to cough to put a stop to what he thinks is about to turn into a sexual encounter on his brothers desk, lord knows he wouldn’t put it past Anders not to care if they were all watching, when Anders himself stops it by grabbing the woman’s hands and holding them away from his body.

“Not, interested.” He says and this time the woman looks shocked.

“But Anders, baby....” She tries to get lose but Anders holds firm.

“Don’t touch me.” He says, very seriously before letting her arms go. 

“But I just...”

“Don’t.” He repeats, and his voice is ice.

“Fine.” The woman growls. “If I have to drag you into court then so be it.”

“For what?” Anders asks casually.

“For the baby of course!” The woman almost screams.

“Why would you want to do that when it’s not mine?” he asks.

“Oh it’s yours.”

“No honey it really isn’t. And if you do pull me into court you’d only end up having to pay the case fee, and a then a fine for slander and wasting the courts time.”

“What?” The woman is clearly confused and unsure of why Anders isn’t giving in.

“We used protection...” Anders starts, but is interrupted.

“Well it must have been defect because this happened.” The woman says indicating her stomach.

“If you would kindly let me finish, I was going to say that: even if the condom had burst or been defective it wouldn’t make any difference. You see I got a Vasectomy years ago.”

If the room hadn’t been completely silent before it would be now.

“....what?” The woman says stunned.

“I got a Vasectomy. It means I got my tubes cut so I wouldn’t end up in this situation.” Anders says and rises. Only now he turns on his Bragi voice. “Now I suggest you leave and never come back here again unless you have some pr business you need help with. And if I were you I would not be spreading any rumour around since I have witnesses and the fine for slander is quite steep these days.” Anders says leading the woman out. Then just before she’s completely out he stops her and adds: “If you want this child then love it and cherish it no matter who the father is, do the best for it. If you don’t want it then find some nice couple that are longing for children and make them happy. And be happy with your choice no matter what.” The woman looks dazed for a moment then she bursts into tears and hugs Anders.

“I so wanted it to be you. I’m sorry, I’ll be a good mummy you see.” Then she kisses his cheek and is off.

Anders sighs and closes and locks the door after her.

 

Everyone has gotten up to see how it ended and now they look stunned... except for Dawn who gets a cup of coffee and hands it to Anders.

“And you didn’t even get slapped this time. I’m impressed.” She says and gives him a sad smile and a little pat on his shoulder before heading back to the couch.

“This ... hold on, ‘This time’? How many times have this happened?” Mike asks, still shocked at Anders’ words earlier and now Dawn’s revelation that this is not a first time thing.

Anders moves back to his desk where he sits down and takes a sip of coffee before he replies.

“I don’t know... eight, maybe ten times?” He says looking to Dawn for confirmation.

“More like twelve.” She says as she sits down again pulling Ty down beside her.

“Twelve?!?!” Axl says, he doesn’t know if he’s impressed or slightly disgusted.

“It’s not like I ask them to come here alright?” Anders says clearly uncomfortable. “I really don’t like it when they won’t let go.” Anders grips the mug tighter, closes his eyes and shudders minutely. On the couch Dawn tenses and looks ready to go to him if he shows any further signs of distress.

There is a story in that shudder Mike knows but Anders sends him a look begging him to let it go when he opens his mouth to ask.

Anders rarely asks for anything he can’t get himself, and he never, never ever begs.

Except now he is, he’s begging for Mike to let it go and move on.

Mike sighs.

They did come here to restore peace.

So he shuts his mouth and reaches for another sandwich, thereby signalling he’s letting it go...for now.

 

Axl of course is not nearly as observant or as subtle so he asks what everyone seems to be thinking.

“So...did you really have that...” He makes a snipping motion with his hands and everyone but Dawn and Anders crosses their legs and wince.

“Yeah.” Anders says.

“Why?” Axl asks.

“Axl.” Ty warns, seeing this could be a bit of a sensitive subject. 

“No it’s okay Ty. I’m fine it’s old news anyway.” Anders says and leaned back in his chair.

“Mum and dad were shite parent’s, even to their favourites they were shite.” Anders says and both Ty and Mike nod, them having been mum and dad’s favourite respectively. “And no offence Mike but you and Val weren’t hardly better when it came to me.” Anders says and gives Mike a look that tells him Anders is not insulting him he’s merely stating the facts as he sees them.

“Well I wasn’t going to put any kid through what I went through, and the best ways of making sure I didn’t was either to stop having the kind of sex that could in any way result in a child or have the possibility removed entirely... I obviously chose the latter.”

“Wow.” Axl said sinking back into the couch. “First finding out you are a god and then having that done...”

“No Axl I had that done way before I turned twenty one, learning about all this god shit only made me even more glad I’d done it.” 

“You did it before? You’d have been pretty damn young then.”

“Did it the first chance I got.” Anders says casually, but Ty catches the way his gaze flicker along the ground, and he knows Anders is holding something back.

“So no little Anders running around.” Axl says shrugging and reaching for a sandwich.

“Not unless they are at least twelve or so.” Olaf says also grabbing a sandwich.

“Fifteen actually.” Anders mumbles almost sub vocally but Mike catches it and spits his mouthful of beer out showering Axl.

“Oie!” Axl says slightly outraged, not so much at the shower as the fact that his food got wet.

“Fifteen?!?” Mike says looking at Anders who now that he knows it’s out holds his head up and nods.

“But, but that would make you only fifteen yourself, that’s not legal.” Mike said.

“I didn’t want kids Mike, I knew that then and I know it now, and heck I’ve known since I was seven.”

“But how?”

“How did I know? I just told you.”

“No how did you get it done.”

“I was in hospital because someone,” He looks at Axl here, “someone had sent me through the living room window in a burst of enthusiasm, and I took the chance and begged for the procedure.”

“But you were fifteen.” Mike repeats, clinging to this fact because it can’t be true that Anders did this while living under his roof and under his care without him knowing it.

“Mike I might have been fifteen in age but we both know I’ve been an adult since ... since dad left.” 

The two share a look and there is a story there as well but not one it’s likely they will share if the haunted looks in their eyes are anything to go by. Anders lays his hand on Mikes arm and continues.

“Anyway it was a long time ago, there was nothing you could have said that could have swayed me from it and I’ve not regretted it for a single instance.” He tightens his grip on Mikes arm and looks him deep in the eyes. “Not One single second.”

Mike searches Anders face for any doubt but his brother is sincere.

“Okay, I’m still not good with you keeping this from us, but okay. Just... how did you persuade them? I mean fifteen and all, we should have been notified by the hospital?” He says and Anders get’s up and goes for his coffee again, searching out a bottle of whisky while he’s at it, meaning Axl goes: ‘Oie!’ Again when Olaf throws himself over him to get a shot in his coffee cup as well, not that there is any coffee in it but still.

“I told you I was there because of the window incident yes?” Anders says and blows on his coffee.

“Yes.”

“Well it might have been more severe than I let on at the time.”

“More? But Anders you were in bandages for weeks, you couldn’t even go to the bathroom... oh.”

“Yeah, ‘oh’. Some of glass had cut me pretty badly and pretty ..intimately. The doctors could try and fix the cuts so I could still have kids, but there was a very real risk of it going wrong and that would have meant I’d never have been able to achieve erection. No way was I missing out on sex because of something i was never going to do anyway. So I begged them to simply cut it completely and since it was bleeding like a bitch and they couldn’t get a hold of you they complied with my wishes.” Anders finishes and gives Axl a look when his brother look shocked at this news.

“You... I did that to you?” Axl asks clearly having trouble dealing with that.

“As I said it was a long time ago and you didn’t mean to. And you know I didn’t exactly plan on telling you, since I went to all that trouble getting the hospital to shut up about it, because I knew that if Mike knew, he would tell you as a means to getting you to stop your ‘train-routine’, and come on like the fact that you’d just send me through a window and cried until the least of the blood was wiped of the floor and washed of the lawn wasn’t enough to accomplish that. You did not need the guilt. And as I said I would have gotten it done the second I’d turned eighteen anyway, so it was just a little early.” Anders shrugged as if it was nothing big.

“But still...” Axl said looking at his sandwich as if it held the answer.

“Let it go Axl, I know I have.” Anders said and clapped his brother on the shoulder as he went past him.

 

“So I’ll have no great grandchildren from you.” Olaf said trying to lighten the mood again, as he sips his whisky.

Anders is fiddling with the lid of the whisky bottle and starts shaking his head then stops for a minute... 

“Well technically... I mean I did lose my virginity when I was eleven.” Anders says and smirks at the sound of beer, coffee and food being sprayed out or going down the wrong pipe.

 

‘Well they certainly forgot about Frigg if nothing else.’

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it, either way please let me know.  
> Cheers Aramir


End file.
